Scooter squares

There’s a lot of buzz around town about a company created in July called the Square Patrol–a group of scooter nerds who will drive your drunk self’s car home, folding their scooter up in your trunk and then scootaddle on out. By buzz I mean my friend’s sister and an ad I saw today in official news source The Onion. Oh now you believe me.

[A picture from their web site. Ladies love a scooter man.]

But seriously, what the hell. I investigated this via the Internet, and have discovered that the organization is in pending 501 (c) (3), meaning they’re a non-profit and accept donations–they suggest $20. The great thing about this Internet is that you can find freaking awesome and helpful web sites such as this one to learn about the efficiency of running a scooter. (New motorscooter investment return calculator!) Twenty dollars is pretty high, especially due to the fact that A. students can ride the e-bus for free and B. a gas guzzling cab to my Riverside apartment runs me $20 round-trip. And you’re paying them in addition to already using gas to drive downtown and find a parking spot.

But this method will be significantly more entertaining when you’re drunk and you don’t have to pay them $20. Oh, and the phone number is 512-R-U-DRUNK. They say that the donation will help reduce the cost of this service, which is true, but in the first months of the business you’ll be paying their publicity bill.

My plan, which I hope Capital Metro will pay attention and pay money (to me) for is this. During the summer, the E-bus doesn’t run, you know when more students in Austin actually have time to go downtown. If Cap Metro ran the E-bus during the summer, charging 50 cents, they would take business which goes to cabs and students wouldn’t mind paying $1 compared to $20 or more. You’re welcome and I’ll be looking for my royalties check in the mail.